DOING IT THE NATURAL WAY

“People who live in isolation are more likely to die than someone who was well connected to lots of people and smoked heavily.” Darcy Elks, Melbourne 2010.

Isolation is one of the most profound problems of our lives and more often than not it falls beneath general society’s radar. We meet roughly 200 people before we click with 1, so as person who is socially disadvantaged that number of people you may need to meet could double. Makes you think how hard we all must try to help people in our lives to have proper relationships that then could lead to friendship.

We probably take making friends for granted and forget why they are so important, think about how many great relationships you have and then imagine life without ever meeting that person! Pretty tough i imagine, it certainly was for me.

Having a variety of good relationships is all part of “living a good life” and opens up all sorts of opportunities. Getting a job, for instance is a lot easier, as the old adage goes, ITS NOT WHAT YOU KNOW BUT WHO YOU KNOW.

Relationships can help people with emotional and physical safety and nurture self esteem, and as we know “people keep people safe”.

We all understand that relationships and friendships are very important to us all regardless of our abilities but what help could we be to someone who finds making new friends more difficult.

We have to understand that some approaches don’t always work, if a person has an intellectual disability does that mean that they will be friends with everyone in the day facility they find themselves in, of course not. I’m a Pom and i don’t like all Poms.

We need to bring people together naturally, find people with the same interests, beliefs and concerns. All people have gifts to offer and if you can meet people in a typical way, if then a relationship forms then it is better for all involved.

Recruitment of volunteers to be friends is not a positive approach to long term friendship or offering reward for being a “friend”. We need to identify a natural pathway and assist people to walk along it, taking the ups and downs as they come. Protecting someone who is vulnerable all the time won’t help in the long term, as we know life is sometimes hard and not ever seeing that wouldn’t make the good times seem so much better. All relationships are risky as many people know, the divorce rate speaks for itself but if you have lots of them then the ones that fall by the way side are replaced by stronger ones, we hope.

In identifying natural pathways, i feel that “One person-One place has the most promise. Being in a group as an individual may be a better avenue for nurturing natural and meaningful relationships. It will give the person more ability to shine and show off their strengths and talents. It is also an opportunity to meet others with similar interests and contribute within a valued social role.

A valued role creates a positive image and conveys to all that you have a place in society and others will see you in a positive way which can only be a good thing when trying to engage in new friendships. Having a negative role or perception only furthers other people’s beliefs, rightly or wrongly that a person who needs a little more effort to start a relationship might just fall into the too hard basket.

Encouraging people to seek out like minded others is a great way to start on building a natural relationship, but remember we are not there to invent new passions, just help the person build on what has been there all the time. Finding new interests is an added bonus on the journey and finding new people to help walk down the path is very important as long as they arrive there naturally.

Francis Bacon once wrote” THE WORST SOLITUDE IS TO BE DESTITUTE OF SINCERE FRIENDSHIP” 

 

Ian Hulse.                                                                                                                                   Mamre Association, Inc.                                                                                                     Brisbane, Australia